Unsatisfied

Times when you are bored, times when you have nothing to think about, or times when you didn't want to think about anything. These times just lead you to reflect upon your life.

Looking back, i am unsatisfied with the way that i had been living my life. I have not been performing very well in the areas that i wanted to be good in. I wanted to focus on my studies, and as much as possible not think about other stuff. Even if I do, i hope to be focused when i need to be. It has thus far been rather difficult.

I realised that i am someone who requires a lot of interaction with people. I cannot just spend the whole day looking at a computer screen. I probably could derive fun from playing computer games whole day in the past. However, that has changed since i left army and entered uni.

The change from lone gamer to socialising has been a fun and satisfying change. However, now that it is the holidays and cutting down on interaction has taken a considerable toll on me i guess. When i am free, it is difficult to focus on my studies. My mind will automatically wander towards reflection of issues which has been bothering my for quite long already.

It is impossible to share this issue with anyone, because the problem lies with me. I doubt i can recieve any solace from any one. It is not a new issue anymore, but i find it difficult to accept despite telling myself many times that its impossible. Issues of this kind that cannot be solved and need a lot of time to finally be able to get over is such an ass. I cannot move on without getting over it and yet, I can't get over it. How? HOW?

The feeling is so sick mans. I got to move on. It has never been easy, despite how many times it has happened before.